Psychotic Episode (I Have No Ego)

I have no ego. . . my psychotic episode.

The schizophrenic experiences a stunning barrage of continuous, horrifying symptoms: auditory hallucinations, delusions, ideas of reference, paranoia, etc. The “indescribable severe torture” is unrelenting and can go on except during sometimes restless sleep, at whichtime the symptoms are even active when one becomes conscious at all. This experience is so overwhelming it is beyond the imagination. It cannot be conceived of intellectually. By its very nature it in fact necessitates the concept of religion in order to relate to it at all. This continuous experience of psychotic symptoms can be viewed as “spiritual exercises in perfection”. The effect on the schizophrenic is similar to that of monks when practicing their rituals in monasteries. When these spirited exercises become a lifestyle for the schizophrenic (lasting 8-10 years) with no real evidence given to the schizophrenic that he will ever recover, a fascinating thing happens to the psyche of that schizophrenic—he loses the perspective of “ego”. Ego consists of all his identifying factors in the world: his age, sex, race, religious affiliation or lack thereof, education level, social class, political affiliations, nationality, etc. He begins to see his environment with the eyes of a newborn, without the bias or prejudices, preconditions of his particular circumstances. It can be seen as a sort of continuous baptism by fire, a kind of purification, enabling him to see reality for what it is in actuality, rather than being viewed through the preconceptions of his individual mental, emotional, and behavioural repertoire instilled in him from birth. The schizophrenic in this condition is able in his interior to walk around in someone else’s moccasins with perfection. This can be seen as loving your neighbour as you love yourself, perfectly. I do not believe it is a condition that can be acquired by a “normal” individual by any method, because the horror of the symptoms of schizophrenia are unduplicable by man. (Religious persons would call this condition repentance for all one’s sins, e.g. “perfect repentance”.) ~Source

Recommended readings on the absence of ego in the SchizoAffective (schizophrenic) mind:

“What You Want”, “Bent and Broken” and “The Complex” by Kevin MacLeod,
“Tech-No-Logic” by In[Perfektion] off album Perfekt Chaos,
“In Suspense” by Psychadelik Pedestrian off album Nocturnia,
“Eerie Horror Scene”, “Strange Days”, “Hell”, “Spooky Water Drops” and “Pterodactyl Scream” sound FX recorded by Mike Koenig,

*Image Credit (used with permission through CC license):
“walking on the razor’s edge in the underground train world : manhattan (2007)” by torbakhopper

12 thoughts on “Psychotic Episode (I Have No Ego)

  1. Reblogged this on 1EarthUnited and commented:
    Wow, absolutely brilliant excerpt! The ego is an assumed identity used to root us within this realm, a functional necessity. Extreme egotism (narcissism) and schizophrenia disassociation with “reality” are polar ends of the psychological spectrum. Really fascinating study of the human experience re: mental perception and ego.

    • Thank you for the reblog. 🙂
      I like that you wrote narcissism and schizophrenia dissociation with reality are polar ends of the psychological spectrum. That is a brilliant way to put it. Reality is definitely a fascinating study of the human experience, no matter the perspective.

  2. Fascinating insight into ego and schizophrenia.

  3. Wonder what you make of the idea of ‘speaking in tongues’? This came to mind as I read this article….Curious association, no? Losing one’s ego?

    • I am not sure what to make of “speaking in tongues”. From what I have seen and read: I have seen what I think as speaking in tongues really gibberish uttered not in any kind of spiritual possession, but to sell books or other media material. And from what I have read, it can be an affection of the brain, to an episode of dissociation, to the manifestation of a delusion, to simply speaking to an imaginary friend, to an alternate personality. How it connects to losing one’s ego, I cannot say, but this is a thought I should ponder more. Curious, association, indeed.

      Perhaps it is the talk of the religious experience quoted in the article, as this is the only way that psychology, et al., I have been reading, are able to describe the schizophrenic experience of suffering and mental torture. It is not a religious experience per se, that is just the closest in analogy that can be reached, as no one (other than a schizophrenic) can truly comprehend the experience. It is often compared to the psychadelic experience continuously, albeit without the use of psychadelic drugs.

  4. This is so fascinating, Niko. I love the way we have to let go of everything to see reality for what it truly is. If I think about it, I have had psychotic episodes where I was attached to a certain part of my ego that have lasted years. Love this insight. {{{Hugs}}} kozo

    • Thank you, Kozo. The ego can be a difficult “thing” to completely let go, and it pervades the human condition and mentality in such a way, that it is not always easy to know that it is even there. Carl Jung writes much on this topic and I highly recommend reading his books on the subject. As eastern philosophy says to let go of the ego (and the filters included within) is to see the world as it really is, in all its beauty and ugliness (nonduality, but in the beauty there is ugliness, and within ugliness beauty). Many schizophrenics, much of the research I have read, reports that Schizophrenics do not have an ego, hence, their tortuous and troublesome and disturbing existence. In current society, an ego helps to sheild us; perhaps in a future society, the ego will no longer be needed.

      {{{{hugs}}} Niko

  5. Thank you for sharing this extraordinary quote and the references. For me, this quote captures both the exhilaration and the aloneness that happens when the unconscious continuously dominates psyche.

    • Yes. And you put it well, the nonduality of it (by saying “. . .both the exhiliration and the aloneness that happens. . .”). From what I am reading on the subject, the unconscious and the conscious are both wide open, without filter and without ego to aid as filter or to serve as boundary or protection for the psyche, thus the psyche suffers under constant and continuous streams of emotions and states of being.

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